The McDonald’s poem advert: My version

I don’t watch TV a huge amount, and one of the key reasons is because I cannot stand adverts. It may shock you to learn I’ve been over this before. But out of all of the rip-offs, all of the sanctimonious, insincere nonsense, of all the half-baked notions of ‘art’, the other rip-offs and the painfully unfunny scripts that take up your mind-time in ad breaks.

I present to you exhibit A:



Rather than keep on whining though, instead I’m going to combat this menace with a poem of my own. Bear with me, I haven’t written one of these since I was in the second form.

Now the scallies and the scrotes
Were just going for a Maccy D’s.
And the other townies and chavs
Called Shaz, or Baz
Were just spending their benefits on Big Macs for their six-month-old babies.
The idiots and scrubbers
Too poor of intelligence to notice this stuff kept them pizza-faced well into adulthood
Were just passing by… but then stopping in because they can’t resist a MACCY D’s.
Then the thieves and the muggers
The kind who’ll happily stab chuggers
Turned up to spend the money they’d robbed from an old woman on Quarter Pounders.
And the children who should know better
And their parents who aren’t much older
Are just getting drunk and arguing with the security guard on the door.
Now the neds with their baseball caps
Aren’t surprised McDonald’s needs security guards
‘Cos they were the ones who stabbed someone in the bogs last week.
Then the inquisitive little girl
Just had to go and hurl
When she asked daddy what they put in those milkshakes.
And Gaz, Baz and Daz
All halfway through a night on the razz
Were just having a brawl in the children’s area.
Then it all just sinks in
An epiphany over the din
“I think I will just pass this place by”.